Compounding Weariness
Well, it got me! Yes, despite all the work I do to manage my wellness and self-care and stay in balance, sometimes Anxiety still creeps its way in. It’s sneaky…and even when I think I’m taking all the arrows of life with stride…Bam a rush of adrenaline, worry and perseveration of thoughts can override my system, interrupting my sleep and causing me to try to focus on only those tasks on my To-Do List.
Cumulation of Unexpected Hits
The Wedding
Last week was a cumulation of a multitude of unexpected hits that apparently took up real estate inside my body and mind…and eventually showed its ugly self. It started with the cancellation of my daughter’s wedding videographer 36 hours before the wedding that resulted in unexpected and unbudgeted expenses. I was already acutely aware of the strain of the wedding costs, and this just was one more thing to add to an already stressful financial month.
Website Malware
Next, I was notified by my virtual assistant that someone had fraudulently used my web designer’s email and accessed the back end of my Authentic Gains website resulting in Malware being placed all over my site. I had to hire a company to remove all the Malware and then my website was completely different, and all formatting was skewed. Thankfully my virtual assistant, who is absolutely amazing, was able to implement a backup prior to the Malware being placed and the website was restored..minus a few recent additions.
Leaky Spa
The third and ongoing stressor came from the brand-new spa that I waited years to get, and which has been my new added self-care regimen, having an ongoing leak that required 3 different service technician visits since we got it in July, and geez… guess what…it still leaks!
I was beginning to let negativity and a bit of the “Why Me” into my mindset as I held multiple conversations with the local spa company about how my brand-new spa felt like it was being held together with duct tape and glue! As I write this, we still are waiting for a follow up resolution, and I’m being reassured that the company will make this right, even if that means ordering me a new spa!
When Weary, Negative Energy Finds a Way
There’s one thing that this work has surely helped me with, and that is to recognize (sometimes later than I wish) that “something’s got a hold of me.” My energy worker calls it “my hitch hiker” but essentially when my nervous system takes too many hits, fear and scarcity can usually find their way in.
I know this occurred this week because that negative voice got really loud. The part of me that gets angry showed up. The part of me that says “just go back to the corporate job” wrestles with my confidence, as headhunters try to entice me back into the rat race. The part of me that covets what other people have and the spinning thoughts of “how do they get all the toys?” blatantly surfaces.
Time To Reset
I went to bed carrying all of this so it’s no wonder that my mind was spinning this morning and wouldn’t let me go back to sleep until I got up and did something about it. So, I grabbed my coffee and went into my quiet space where I just sat with all the feelings, thoughts, and experiences.
I meditated for a while on all the thoughts that were trying to pull me away from exactly the things my system needed to reset. The productivity part screamed “you haven’t written your blog, you’ve got to create social media posts, you haven’t completed that EMDR continuing education class”…and the list went on.
That same part said “you don’t have time for church or your morning walk with the dogs. You definitely don’t have time for soaking in your spa and watching the sunrise.” And then I took some breaths and reset!
The Power of Mindfulness and Written Goals
I started to write down all my goals for the day that included spiritual, emotional and physical wellbeing and made those a priority… just as much as my To-Do List items. I opened my meditation and prayer to self-compassion and recognized that I get this way when I’m trying too hard to control things and thinking I’m alone in making all this happen. Then I felt a sense of calm and my body relaxed like I know it can.
I made a conscious choice to not miss my online church that fills me spiritually. I made a conscious decision to eat breakfast with my hubby and then take our doodles for a nice walk. I gave myself permission to soak in my hot tub and restore my body. I created space to take care of myself, which in turn helped me focus with more clarity and prioritize my day within my values. I may not accomplish all that was on that list today, but I know I feel a whole lot better, and more like the balanced person I desire to be.
