What is Faith Deconstruction?
A term that’s getting a lot of buzz these days is Faith Deconstruction. Depending on your oikos of relationships and connections, there may be very different opinions surrounding this concept.
Faith Deconstruction is a Christian phenomenon where people unpack, rethink, and examine their belief systems and teachings that ultimately feel unchristlike. It’s a process that helps us make room for, and make sense of new information that doesn’t fit old paradigms.
Deconstruction is actually part of spiritual renewal. Like all cycles of the seasons, it requires the death of the old before something better can germinate, take root, and grow in its place.
For some, it may represent leaving religious organizations altogether. For others, it may be a rebirth of their existing faith with more room for mystery and question rather than certainty.
Religious Trauma
Self-hatred, shame, and perfectionism
Clients who come to me often struggle with self-hatred, shame, and perfectionism which impacts their self-esteem and worth. They often experience worry, and fear of being punished for falling short of expectations, especially those instilled in their religious upbringing.
Manipulation and Abuse
Some clients have been exposed to very cult-like situations where brainwashing and physical and sexual abuse was an acceptable part of the culture. This leaves people confused and afraid to break away from the system. They become desensitized to the reality of the situation, and convince themselves that what they are feeling is irrational, and stop trusting themselves. If they do break away, they are left with severe emotional trauma that manifests as anxiety, depression or PTSD.
Contempt
Clients who leave their community are often ostracized and left feeling isolated and alone. When rigid rules for decision-making, especially what’s “Right or Wrong” are no longer in place, they often have difficulty making decisions or trusting themselves. If members of their family or organizations use religious scripture as a means for shaming or discounting any questioning beliefs outside the construct of that organizational system, then individuals feel unseen or rejected by both the institution and their family.
Delayed social milestones
Many clients experience delayed social milestones that interrupt normal social interactions due to strict rules about gender, gender expression, sexuality, sex, marriage and procreation. They may see themselves as naive, and feel different or more vulnerable than their peers.
Shame Around Sex
Clients often express feeling dirty or guilty engaging in sexual activities. Some even express a sense of obligation rather than a consensual agreement to engage in sex with their spouse. Many women, due to the shame around sex, find themselves discounting their own needs, not knowing what makes them feel good, and or being uncomfortable with any type of sexual expression or exploration.
Acceptance vs. Affirming
Any deviation from traditional gender or sexual preferences leads to shame and a sense of lack of acceptance from the community. There is a huge difference between organizations that profess “acceptance” with the intent to change or convert someone “from their sin” vs. organizations that “affirm all individuals” and allow them to serve as leaders within their church community. Parents of LGBTQ+ children often are left to choose between their Faith and their children until they are ready to deconstruct their beliefs.
Rebuilding After Deconstruction
Whether someone has experienced trauma related to their religious affiliation or just has decided that there is more mystery and wonder than the certainty they were raised to believe…there is room for growth, exploration, and even healing for those willing to walk into their story and seek support.
EMDR is a very effective modality to help unpack emotional and physical trauma that greatly impacts someone’s beliefs about themselves. The reconstruction process involves learning to acknowledge the parts of their faith that make sense as they absorb new information and expand their awareness of imperfect leaders.
As we strive to live through Jesus’s lived example, it is clear that equity, diversity and inclusion need to be a part of today’s faith message for love thy neighbor as yourself. If you or anyone you know is suffering from religious wounds and looking to reconstruct their beliefs, click the link below and schedule an appointment.
