Reflections of Past Behaviors
I learned many years ago that setting New Year’s resolutions isn’t something that I ever really want to do. There was a time in my life where I was extremely disciplined. I was working as a health coach, and I committed so strongly to the discipline of exercise, food logging, and the appearance of my physical body, that I was completely out of balance with my values, and my obsession with my physical fitness was the only thing that mattered.
While I was happy with my body, enjoyed the “validation received from others,” and felt strong and physically in the best shape of my life, I also recognize that some of the choices I made back then also led to the physical decline of my body in other ways, i.e. the need for two complete rotator cuff and bicep tendon repairs in both my left and right shoulder and arm, as well as hernia surgery a few years ago as a result of heavy lifting and the intake of way too much protein in order to build my body to the level that I desired. I learned that too much of anything is never a good thing.
Self-Compassion or Lack of Discipline
In 2022, I was extremely committed to working with a business coach and to a project that led to both my published Parent Teen Journal – Combating Teen Anxiety, and my program for parents and teens to help combat anxiety.
Along with building my practice and meeting all the commitments there, time for good morning workouts became fewer and far between. The old Gina used to get up at 4am in the morning in order to get my workouts in prior to commuting an hour to work, work in a 9-hour day and commute home. Since I had decided that in order to have balance and self-compassion that I would never resume that schedule again, I became curious about how much self-compassion became an excuse not to do the disciplines of my life.
Then in February 2022 when I couldn’t even do a down dog in yoga, my left arm just completely stopped working, and I began this long journey through my first surgery and now my second, I also resorted to just walk and not be able to do all the weight training that used to keep my metabolism strong and running fast. This, combined with the unfortunate hormonal changes at this menopausal stage, just continued to add to my dissatisfaction with my physical health. The struggle I felt, regardless of what I was physically capable of doing, and the self-compassion that I had in order to be kind to a body that was shifting, aging and that didn’t look like it used to, became almost a crutch. You can have self compassion, and still have discipline for what you can control.
Mindset and Intentions
Those of you who have worked with me and are familiar with the self journal that I use and teach are aware of how important intentions are and making intentional time to set goals for the day each morning. For the past several years, I had been very diligent in following that guide in an effort to balance my values and I had done pretty well until the beginning of last year. But after my physical health declined and my physical ability to do the workouts that I enjoyed became impossible, I resorted to falling short on new goals and holding my own self accountable to all those areas that were important.
While I felt my self-compassion was strong and I was doing a lot for self-care of my mental well-being through all of my physical recovery and surgery, I also recognize that I let myself down in terms of food choices, and other things that I could control during this season and time of life. While I did focus on connection last year and created lots of relationships, I feel like my physical health was the one that declined the most… not from lack of walking or trying to move my body, but more so by using the excuse of being “so self-compassionate and giving myself so much grace” that I actually allowed myself to eat lots of processed food, chips and dips, and things that have never made my body feel good. I think that sometimes we can lean into “grace” as an excuse. I don’t know about you, but I can find justification for almost any bad behavior when I’m not setting intentions and being accountable to myself.
Intentional is My Word for 2023
So as I had time to reflect on my word for the year, intentional kept coming to mind. It’s not that I don’t commit to things, and it’s not that I don’t have discipline in certain areas, but the idea of mindfulness and setting intentions and following through with the accountability to those intentions is something that I really choose to focus on this year.
I sat down with my self journal to set some new goals for this year. In doing so, with the word intentional written at the top of my page I looked at all the things that I’m grateful for including my recovery to about 80% so far of my left shoulder, that no longer has the pain that it used to, which is now my functioning limb while my dominant arm is in a sling for the next four and a half weeks. I looked at what health goals I wanted to really be intentional about and that included revamping my nutrition, along with the physical exercise that I’m allotted in this recovery. There was a time when I would meal prep my week on a Sunday and I would cook healthy choices and food that would sustain me, and since nutrition is honestly 80 percent of the battle to feeling healthy and being back to my desired physical health, I know that I need to be intentional with that.
While logging food and using apps can be a real challenge and something that I wanted to boycott because I was trying to not adhere to that again, I do recognize that if I don’t pay attention to what I eat, it’s so easy to sit and have that extra piece of chocolate or throw down those chips and dip, or my favorite…cheese and salami.. Yet when I actually look at what I consumed, I know I can eat a lot more good nutrition that fuels my body and my brain and helps me recover rather than putting those wasted calories in that don’t bring me the results I want, nor make me feel like the person I want to be moving forward.
I have choices like everybody else. It matters what we put in our mouths, how we move our body, how we judge ourselves, and how we decide to become better versions of ourselves. I don’t carry false beliefs of perfectionism with a thought that I will be perfect in some of these intentions. However, I know that by sitting down each day and setting intentions for three specific areas that I’m focusing on, I can be accountable to myself.
Three Areas of Intention
So as I move forward in 2023, I have set the intention of going back to certain practices that involve looking at three different areas of my life over the next 3 months.
I will be intentional in the food that I put inside my body. I will be intentional about logging food and getting clear on how many calories I actually put inside my body. I will be intentional in meal prepping and preparing for my day, rather than making impulsive decisions at the end of an exhausting day when I’m starving.
I will be intentional about the balance of work-life and the goals and expectations that I set for myself in my business. I will be intentional about the things that I hope to bring to my clients in services and in the form of EMDR Retreats for this year.
I will also be intentional about my commitment to expanding my network of people within the community and professionals. I joined things like the Chamber of Commerce last year…but did I attend even one meeting last year? No! Every time a meeting came up or something of interest appeared important to attend, I found that it didn’t fit my schedule or that I had other commitments or clients to see and I just didn’t have time. It wasn’t a focus of intention, so it didn’t get my attention. But now that it’s part of my daily intention, I have to be accountable to myself at the end of every day as to what targets I will be working towards to actually meet that goal. In doing this intentional practice, by the end of March I can be accountable to all the things that I said I was going to be accountable to because I made it a priority and set measurable goals and actually worked towards them.
My Hope For You
My hope for each and every one of you for the year of 2023 is that you take some time to set some intentions for your own life. Sometimes that requires taking a hard look at ourselves and inventory of what is, what you want or no longer want, along with the balance of self-compassion and some intentional practices that allow us to actually lean into the things that we desire. For some of you that might be your physical health, for others it might be a career change or relationship change or facing something that’s very scary that you’re afraid to do on your own.
Regardless of what your self-reflection brings this year, I hope that you maintain your mental wellbeing, your physical wellbeing, and your relations with people that you desire. I hope that if there are people in your life that you carry anger or resentment for, that you work through those issues so that you can find greater peace in your overall wellbeing. As always, I’m here for you or for friends as a referral to work as a therapist or as a coach, to help people meet their goals.
Let’s make 2023 the year that we can all be proud of.
