While looking for home decor, I came across many variations of a sign that said “This is Us..Our Life-Our Story-Our Home! While I love this sign, I think it takes courage and vulnerability to really accept and live in your truth. The message embraces the reality of all the good, the bad, and sometimes even the ugliness that lives behind the four walls of our home. Anxiety and depression often come from our perception of how our story compares to others, as well as fear of what others will think if they knew the parts of your story that you’d rather hide.
Protection Has Consequences
Nothing can drop us down the emotional ladder faster than comparison and shame. When we have parts of our story that don’t fit the norm, or there are self-induced expectations to share only positive news and hide parts of our story, we not only miss opportunities for connection, but we increase our risk for emotional dysregulation.
Shame only has power over us when we live life trying to hide and suffer alone through our struggles. It shows up as fight-or-flight energy with worry and fear of when the next “shoe is going to drop.” When it’s too overwhelming, we can start to feel isolated, alone, and want to disengage.
Owning Our Story
It’s truly a powerful shift when we stop hiding from our story and start living in it. When we even notice our emotions, feelings and allow ourselves to sit with them, it’s as if we are finally saying “I see you” and “this is hard, but I can do hard things.”
Acknowledging the difficult parts of our story and bringing our emotions to the surface with people we can trust takes the sting out of shame. More often than not, there is a recognition of “I’m not alone” as others share connections and common humanity.
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