What People Want
We are wired for connection and belonging. Most people crave a loving relationship and companionship. Millions of dollars are spent every year on self-help books to try to improve or sustain happiness in relationships.
What Healthy Relationships Need
In an article in November’s edition of Psychology Today, Suzanne B. Phillips, Psy.D identified a few important ingredients for loving, long-lasting relationships. These are the 4 behaviors she stated are essential.
Couples who look each other in the eyes when they say hello or goodbye, or have a conversation affirm the bond between them. Even if these are small glances, it helps to convey connection and togetherness.
Couples who laugh with each other have better physical, mental, and interpersonal benefits. They reduce stress, move past the small stuff, and feel more connected.
Couples who can Let It Go after an argument, fight, or disagreement tend to fare better. They have learned that one or both need to hit that pause button and essentially access their ventral vagal place of safety to calm down. They have learned that nothing good can come from a toxic argument in that fight and flight space. They have also mastered the circle back and learned the importance of a proper apology.
Couples who can communicate how much they love and need their partner in their life never take their partner for granted. They positively affirm their partner’s value in their life in small and big ways. They never assume the other no longer needs to know these things.
Embracing Trust and Vulnerability
In her book Rising Strong, Brené Brown identifies that relationships need Boundaries, Reliability, Accountability, Vault (or belief that shared information will stay confidential), Integrity, Non-Judgment, and Generosity.
When relationships lose trust and vulnerability feels unsafe, it usually requires the help of a professional in order to help repair what was lost. If you or someone you know has a breach in one of these areas in your relationship, then it might be time to seek some therapy to learn some tools to bring you back to a place of safety and connection.
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